Single Parenting...Going from Burden to Blessing

Hello Good People,

Wow, this is my first time sitting down to blog this year! I know, I know, shame on me. I've been crazy busy with the toils of life. However, I am back and better than ever. If you have never read a blog written by myself, been in the audience of a speaking engagement I've had the pleasure of doing or even follow or friend me on any form of social media you must first know that I am a very transparent, encouraging person. I disregard my pride and I reveal myself in hopes that I might give someone their hope back, their fight back or maybe just something to read while waiting for an appointment. Either way I'm glad you're here and I don't take your visit lightly. Thank You for stopping by! Now...

Lately, it's been on my heart to speak to single parents and to encourage the single parent and hopefully to inspire them to be even better parents. I believe just as in any situation or life circumstance our perspective will either magnify a small situation or minimize a large situation. It depends COMPLETELY upon US. I believe that what we feed will grow. So, often than not the "typical" single parent is upset, because they feel like the workload is too great. They feel as though the other parent is getting off easy because they are not active/involved in that child's life. They feel as though their child/ren are missing out on what society deems right and "how it's supposed to be" and they have become bitter, their heart has been hardened toward the other parent and sometimes toward the entire opposite gender.

I have 4 points I want to write about in hopes that they will indeed change your perspective, encourage you to be the best parent you can be with or without help, put your complete faith in God on this journey and to release the negative feelings you have for the other parent.

1. Perspective: Seriously, it's everything in every situation.  You have the options to view your life, your circumstances, your next move as a glass halfway empty or halfway full. I choose the latter. But, I will not lie to you and say that was easy for me. I had to get through a lot of bitter days and nights. Especially when the kids would get sick, or I didn't have the means to give them something that they wanted or needed. I would find myself getting so angry when I would give my last for lunch money AGAIN or I would spend light bill money on a dentist or a doctor visit co-pay. I started speaking life, prosperity, peace and joy over myself over and over and over although I had none of those things and could NOT see them coming any time soon. I remember sitting in the car crying and smiling and telling God thank you when the ends didn't meet. I would look at the babies in my back seat and say "But, I have them, they're happy and healthy and because they are I am too". I recall the story of Hannah (1 Samuel) when she poured her heart out to God and was mumbling prayers at the altar and Eli was watching her.  He then approached her because he thought she was drunk and demanded that she sober up! When in fact Hannah hadn't been drinking, as she said "Not, even a drop, the only thing that I have been pouring is my heart out to God". WOW! I remember telling God if you don't change my situation at the very least change my heart. And, that is exactly what he did. I began looking at everything in a new light. I started seeing trash as treasure. I started seeing bad days as amazing testimonies. I started laughing at the memories my children were making each day, the laundry would pile up on me and I'd whisper to God I thank you for the clothing. Max would break every picture frame and scratch my tables and I would say Thank You Lord, because I remember the doctors saying they wouldn't make it. I remember the NICU days, I got to a place in my life that everything was going to be an opportunity to bless GOD! I started getting excited when bills came because I was about to see God do something miraculous in my life once again. I could have blamed my x-husband for everything. I could be bitter at the fact that the twins don't know him and that he hasn't seen them in over a year. That he doesn't send Christmas/Birthday gifts or anything else for my kids. Instead I looked at what God has given me, them! I focused in on their happiness, their wholeness, their peace and I smiled, whispered a soft thank you to the sky and kept being the best single parent that I can be. I changed my perspective which in fact changed my life! PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING.

2. FOCUS: I seriously woke up one day and said if my kids are going to be lacking one parent they will not be lacking a good Mom too. I got so focused on me and what I was doing and what I was displaying before them. I started letting them in on my prayer time, rather than keeping them out, I started cleaning a little bit more, staying up on my household duties a little better. I got back in shape, eating healthy, I watched my mouth by speaking only positive around them. I keep my hair done,  I always smile, take them to church, communicate and actively listen to them. I became a better happier me. There's nothing missing and nothing broken in their lives because for one God restores and makes all things new and secondly because we set the tone for our household, which will in fact set the tone for their lives. I want to encourage you as a Single Mother of 3 that you get so focused on being the best you possible that what the other parent is doing/done and doesn't do will not even be a thought! It's possible because I live it!!! 1 Timothy 5:8 a man that does not provide for his own is worse than an infidel (infidel=a unbeliever). You provide and let God handle the rest!! Stay Focused and Be Encouraged and confident that He who began this  good (single parenting) work in you will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6). It's a good work!


3. FAITH: Reignite the faith you first had when you first believed in something or someone. Put every ounce of it into what God says about you, your future and your kids. Children are a gift from God. Anything that God gives you will require work. Your JOB, own business, marriage, home, cars, even your mind...it all has to be worked on. Kids are the same...a blessing that require a lot of work. 1 Corinthians 15:58 So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. Your work is not in vain!! You have to understand that none of this is about us...EVER! It's about God. I have Faith that God has great things in store for my children. I suffer sometimes and deny myself daily so that they may have a good life. I have Faith that because I am working hard daily sowing good seeds, they will reap the harvest. My faith reminds me that ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). Faith will keep you encouraged, Faith will have you doing things that people who have to "see it" will never understand. It's a blessing in itself just to have FAITH and it's free to those who really want it! It's like getting an interest check from a bank you don't even have an account with. John 20:29 Then Jesus told them, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. Have Faith that God is going to strengthen you to be an exceptional parent and bless your child/ren to do great things on the Earth! I declare there will be a return on your investment, in Jesus name!

4. RELEASE FEELINGS and FORGIVE: Whew! Yep, we gotta do that! We have to let go of all the ill feelings we have toward the other person for whatever the reason. Doesn't matter! It's done, it didn't kill you, move on! I always tell a personal story because I want my readers to know I've lived it and I practice what I preach. A little while ago I asked for help to buy some shoes for the kiddos. Now, mind you I don't ask for anything. God has given me amazing family and friends that have me and my kids back so if I ask they are eager to help. They know I am a tither and that I am good with money. I can make some stuff happen...I'm pretty sure I once got blood from that turnip, Lol. Anyway, I was denied the help in getting the kiddos some shoes. I didn't fuss, cuss...NOTHING. I said Well and I found myself praying like Jesus prayed on the cross. The only thing that came to my mind and my heart was "Forgive them Father for they know, not what they do Luke 23:34. That's when you know you have released a person and you forgive them because you are asking God to do the same. I used to be so angry hollering in the phone "You left me with all these kids" Baby, look it was never him. It was all God. God knew I couldn't stay connected to that, to be who I am today. I'm so glad "He left me here with all these kids" Lol. I literally just laughed out loud when I typed that! Talk about Burden to Blessing, whew Jesus! I'm in a place of complete peace, a place that I never thought I would be in. I trust God so much because he has been completely faithful to me. I dare not hold on to hatred, bitterness, resentment or anything else that's not of God. I release and decrease so that God might increase in my life. You can not get God's best being bitter. You can not expect your situation to change harboring any ill feelings. I don't care how much you pray, go to church or speak in tongues. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. (Mark 11:25) Everyday I need something forgiven! I don't know about you, but I don't know anyone worth my forgiveness/relationship with God! Don't worry about what they get to do or what they have. No one gets off, they just get by temporarily. Time and chance happens to them all. (Ecclesiastes 9:11)
Release My Friend!

I've been thinking about this "Single Parenthood" label the entire time I was writing this blog. There's such a negative outlook on it. When in fact it's not negative at all. It just is what it is. We're truly like Super Hero's or Lol. I remember when I first became a single Mom immediately the enemy would attack me with negative talk about myself like "You and your children are another statistic," "No one will ever want you with 3 kids," "You can't handle this all by yourself" Guess What? He was a liar then and he's still a liar!!! I'm only single on paper!! I'm actually in a very serious relationship!!! A serious co-parenting relationship with God!! And all the other amazing individuals He has placed and will place in our lives. It still takes a village to raise a child. One monkey still does not stop a show, correct? It must go on!! I encourage you to tell God what you would tell the absentee parent. To ask of him the same that you would ask of the absentee parent. You are not alone and your children are not missing out on anything, just because the other party isn't present! God the true father of my children thinks so highly of me and my ability to raise great children. You have to give yourself a pat on the back because the person who should help you knows that you are such a wonderful, strong, smart and resilient person to raise their child/ren alone. Thank you for thinking so incredibly highly of me. And God thank you for giving me all I need to complete this exciting task before me. Whether, you are doing this by choice (because the other parent choose not too) or by force (because the other parent can not...i.e..death, incarceration..etc) please know God has and will give you all you need! 2 Thessalonians 1:2 says Our God gives you everything you need, makes you everything you're to be.
Single or Married Lord we give our children over to you for your glory. Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. Matthew 19:14 Have your way in the lives of the parents reading whether they are single or married God help them to be better parents over the children you have entrusted to their care. Help them to see that children are from you and they are a great blessing. Remove the stereo type, the bitterness, the anger the rage and the selfishness. Impregnate the absent parent with a desire to seek you, do your will and restore relationships with their child(ren). I speak healing and peace into both parents God. Let arguments, irreconcilable differences be set aside for the sake of the children Lord. Make the Men rise up and be what they were called to be to their children both leaders and providers and make the Women rise up and be nurturers and care givers. God release the burden of single parenting and help us to focus solely on your goodness in every situation. In Jesus NAME!

We can not endure this thing called Life alone. I am so appreciative to my amazing family and friends that have stuck by our sides. To my amazing Mom, Thank You for everything! You are a breath of fresh air anytime I need it. My sisters y'all are everything and more...watching 2 of you be single parents was the best hands on training and learning experience for me. Thanks for being great at it! My brother who speaks into my life DAILY no matter what he was going through, he makes sure we're good!
My friends...Wow...they say true friends don't exist anymore...THEY LIED...I have them! Felise (who inspired the title of this blog) would sit on the phone with me at 4am and listen to me cry and remind me since my babies were infants that they are blessings not burdens!! Thank You my friend, I love you til the end! I love you all so deep!!! And Brandi OMG you have become a blood sister to me don't worry about how that's possible, but you are!!! I love you girl like crazy!!

Bobbie S.
Cherreyl A.
Tonia G.
Tasha S.
Mika M.
Brandi H.
Alexis C.
Tiffany J.
Felise B.
Chassie J.
Chilesa R.
Canitra W.
LeVida H.
Angie B.
Michelle B.
Leonard S.
Thank you good people!!! Soooo much love!😍😙😘💞